Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High

A PAPERBACK ORIGINAL

"Most books make promises. This one delivers. These skills have not only helped us to change the culture of our company, but have also generated new techniques for working together in ways that enabled us to win the largest contract in our industry's history."--Dain M. Hancock, President, Lockheed Martin Aeronautics

A powerful, seven-step approach to handling difficult conversations with confidence and skill

"Crucial" conversations are interpersonal exchanges at work or at home that we dread having but know we cannot avoid. How do you say what needs to be said while avoiding an argument with a boss, child, or relationship partner? Crucial Conversations offers readers a proven seven-point strategy for achieving their goals in all those emotionally, psychologically, or legally charged situations that can arise in their professional and personal lives. Based on the authors' highly popular DialogueSmart training seminars, the techniques are geared toward getting people to lower their defenses, creating mutual respect and understanding, increasing emotional safety, and encouraging freedom of expression. Among other things, readers also learn about the four main factors that characterize crucial conversations, and they get a powerful six-minute mastery technique that prepares them to work through any highimpact situation with confidence.

The book addresses a topic that is largely misunderstood and vastly underestimated: high stakes dialogue. The authors define crucial conversations as those where 1) stakes are high, 2) opinions vary, and 3) emotions run strong, or in other words, much of both our professional and personal lives. We're all involved in crucial conversations at home and at work but most of us are not very aware of the interpersonal dynamics at play and/or we're unskilled in how to respond differently. The book helps the reader first understand the principles involved in "crucial conversations" but then also helps the reader develop real skills and abilities to choose or change their communication patterns. The end result is remarkable. The book's impact is a much bigger idea than simple communication--it's all about effective human interaction and getting results with and through people.

The book is highly readable, extremely engaging and actually quite fun. It is filled with illustrations and stories from all walks of life: business examples, personal examples and family examples. The fact that the principles and skills the authors teach can be applied in all dimensions of life--work, home, personal--is very appealing to me and made the book extremely helpful on many fronts.

I benefitted most from this book from a business standpoint and have found that applying these skills has made a real difference at work. I'm more courageous and more considerate at the same time. I understand people better but I especially understand myself better. I'm far more conscious and aware of my dialogue with others and I've greatly improved my skills and abilities to lead effectively. The bottom line is, I'm helping my company get better results and I'm far more effective personally. If more people in business were to apply these principles and skills in the frequent crucial conversations they have at work, they would make better decisions, achieve better results and do it all in a way that would build the trust and strengthen relationships. I couldn't give a book higher marks. Outstanding!


This book changed my life   November 18, 2006
M and G (Dover, NH)
15 out of 17 found this review helpful

I cannot believe that this material is not standard material for schools. Coupled with "Good to Great," "Topgrading," and "The Toyota Way" you've got the ammo you need to be a killer leader.

Pro:
-Reveals one of the great secrets how "true leaders" separate themselves from everyone else (based on numerous hours of first-hand corporate study)
-Describes "fight and flight" and other responses and how to tame them
-Details a near foolproof method/recipe for approaching others when stakes are high, topics are embarrassing, people disagree, etc.
-There is a two-day class that I took with this book which is the only commercial class I recommend. Find it and take it!
-I have improved myself immensely, have successfully approached beligerant co-workers and to diffuse tense family clashes. I've even been thanked for doing it!

Con:
-I honestly can't think of any

Bottom line: this book is a must read for everyone. Applies to everyday life, in and out of work. I also got the CDs, which are good now and again during my commute.


This Book is REQUIRED READING for my Company!   June 26, 2002
Timothy V. Stay (Provo, UT USA)
210 out of 278 found this review helpful

PAY THE [money] this book costs and avoid costly litigation, improve your communication, better manage expectations, defuse pent up emotions, and let your company be more productive!

I just finished Crucial Conversations and the first thing that I did as I laid down the book, was to log on to Amazon and order 30 copies to give to the managers within my company. I am the owner of my company of 600 employees and I am constantly searching for better ways to improve communication among our staff and employees. I am going to make sure that my HR team includes these principles into their training.

As I read through this book, I found that so many of our issues within the company would have been eliminated or diminished if we had embraced and utilized the tools laid out within this book. I could have avoided a costly lawsuit if these principles had been utilized when we were disciplining and eventually terminating an unproductive employee.

The authors have blended the humor of Dilbert, with the vision of Stephen Covey, with the practicality of consultants who have been down in the trenches of some of the biggest corporations in the US. It is an easy and enjoyable read.

I also found as I read the book that I kept thinking about how to use these tools to improve the conversations in my personal life, with my wife and with my children. I would love to see a second book that focused on Crucial Conversations at Home.


Start now and change your life!   September 18, 2002
Joanne Staheli (Mapleton, Utah United States)
17 out of 21 found this review helpful

Too many of us never say what is really on our mind, that is until we let the pressure build and it escapes in a way we regret. This book will change your life. It provides the tools you need to commit to meaningful dialogue with those who matter most: family, co-workers and friends. You can have candor and respect at the same time.
The book is a delightful read, adding humor along the way. It is powerful in the examples taken from real life. It is meant to be read time and again. You will want to practice and perfect these skills, using the time-tested principles until they become a part of you.